*** Native Craftworks have returned - take a look ***

The Blog from Oi Polloi presents:

Back by unpopular demand... here's the world famous Oi Polloi Caption Competition. Look at that picture above, come up with something funny and write it in the comments bit below. Best one wins a £50 voucher.

All captions must be entered by Wednesday the 25th of April otherwise they'll be completely ignored. 

P.S. Don't rush in with some half-baked, illegible effort. The judges do take spelling, grammar and overall flow into consideration. GOOD LUCK!

Newer Back to The Blog Older

The people say...

  • LG

    This is cannon fodder.

  • Charlie McDonald

    I call this a “Billabong”

  • Jonny

    When the volcano stopped erupting, Bill was rapidly on the scene to rescue his dog

  • Neil Hamilton

    After enjoying a great career in the 80s These days Bill Oddie scrapes a living cleaning up anything that matches his beard.

  • Neil Hamilton

    After enjoying a great career in the 80s These days Bill Oddie scrapes a living cleaning up anything that matches his beard.

  • Fynn Mattis

    When the youths reverence for pirates stop, it’s an adventurers time to quit his job.

  • Alan Couch

    Hot knives or the bong, Max?

  • Si Moly

    Professor Calculus has found it hard to adjust to normal life since he was kicked off the cast of Tintin for his glass pipe antics.

  • Ron

    Despite chronic IBS, ongoing addiction issues and early retirement, Col. Bill still loved the smell of napalm in the morning.

  • Paul Nicholson

    I can’t believe it’s come to this ? I was in Breaking Bad don’t ya know.

  • Joe Foster

    Bill had always been called a chip off the old block by his mates and now, he had finally realised why.

  • Sam

    Behind the scenes of the 2002 Robot Wars semi-finals, Plunderdog team captain Vernon dodges another question about the whereabouts of the opposing teams mascot Lucky.

  • Rich Collings

    I see your Dad’s handling the divorce well.

  • BBrutus

    Trying hard to look sober
    I’ll just scratch that weird fungus off and get the samples to… Did I kissed Tom last night ?

  • Zak Lamb

    I am the one of knocks

  • Simon

    Nigel still hadn’t learned what a dragon actually was, but he knew the chase was finally over.

  • Simon

    Nigel still hadn’t learned what a dragon actually was, but he was knew the chase was finally over.

  • Alex Roddie

    Wise old Uncle Bert knew the benefits of wearing a bucket hat for a day sesh at the local beer garden in the sun.Pity daft old Aunt Linda and her shit little dog never listened. Now it was up to Uncle Bert as always to pick up the pieces.

  • C M Elliott
    Barnickles & bucket hats à go-go
  • Pylyp

    A lamb rots from the head down.

  • Edwin Wood

    While cleaning the grill, Jim knew he was delaying the inevitable … He would have to tell the kids that he had barbecued the poodle eventually.

  • Philipp

    God bless the one who invented the hands!

  • Liam

    So she tells me shes met someone else. No lad, she won’t say who, but when I find out I’m gonna murder the horrible little fucker.

  • Brian Loves A Semi Flare

    Steve pisses on greenpeace members trying to board the good shop ollly polly. Nigel slowly shakes his head and considers sole ownership of the shop.

  • Morten Helliesen

    It’s a dragon, innit.

  • JC Dublin

    Not as good as mushrooms but heard it’s a decent buzz all the same

  • Clive

    Tony needs to invest in a gas BBQ this summer

  • Sebastian

    Whatever it is that you are doing, it’s good to be appropriately clothed.

  • Rob M

    The wayward son,
    of Captain Birdseye,
    Plotted revenge
    On Sting & Shaggy;
    for their (100%) cod reggae.

  • Chris Hearn

    After leaving a career in genitourinary medicine for the life of a treasure hunter; scraping an old man’s cannon was the last thing the good doctor expected to be doing.

  • Jeff

    After 27 hours of queuing for the next Adidas release, the boredom finally kicked in , so he started to get creative with the cobbles on Thomas Street.

  • Rob

    It was 70’s California and after smoking Angel Dust, Keith used his Opinel No. 8 to whittle a poodle from the severed penis of a killer whale. Later he went to a roller disco looking for a fight.

  • Marc B

    Determined to bag the lead role in ‘Old Jack’s Boat’, Bill head to Staithes to stitch up his old college chum Bernard Cribbins one final time…

  • Duncan

    Scratch it and give me a bleat! fires cannon

  • Daniel Foo

    ah, the return of the annual Anachronistic Crack Pipe Maker’s Fayre. Ethan Winer looks poised to snag the top honours again with his beautiful “Cannon Pipe”, crafted from original sea-patina-ed copper, depicting a period-accurate bronze-age lion perched atop a period-accurate World War 1 recreation cannon. A stunning base-piece for the pipe. Truly a work of genius. A true “Shokunin”, as the Japanese would say.

  • Tom Hodgson

    The gaffer would have no idea that Raul ‘Dogfish’ Duke and Dr. Stingray had used a couple of black bream from the day’s catch as munchies for their secret stash.

    As Raul cleaned up the last of the evidence, he thought about how the day’s events and chuckled to himself. He made a note to himself to write a script to a new Hunter S Thompson spin-off series: ‘Bass & Mackerel in Cod Vegas’

  • Paul Nicholls

    The cutting edge of fashion.

  • Random Bloke

    John Peel had had some tough gigs in his time, but this one was really scraping the bottom of the barrel..

  • Richard McLaws

    “I swear to God, make one more bong joke and I drive this knife through your throat.”

  • Yams

    Having left meth production behind, Walter sculpted bongs from archaic weaponry in hope of creating the west-coast’s new epidemic.

  • Mario Rabaiotti

    Dave was hoping not to get fired from this job, he was determined to give it his best shot.

  • Freddie K

    Don’t believe the hype Pablo is tight he only gave me one this big!!

  • Joe Seph

    The new ‘Scientists Intent on Stabbing Previously Submerged Antiquities’ collection from Oi Pollo.

  • Tristan

    Whittling on the Chang, deep down in ding dang, whittled my little sheep.. can’t get no sleep – whittling my huge bong.. polloi please give me £50 for this song

  • Clemens

    This year 420 will be – how do the kids say nowadays? – lit?

  • Neil Dickson

    Richard Dreyfuss Starring in; Jaws 5 – ‘Up in Smoke’

  • Paul Bennett

    Pick it,pack it,fire it up come along and take a hit from the bong !

  • Kev Smalley

    Would you like your soap bar in the pipe or hot knife?

  • GIles sMith

    Did someone say fools gold….are the stone roses back on tour?!

  • Andy Degg

    Stone Island were no longer happy with their monofilament deriving from water filtering technology, so….they sent Pete from HR to scrape some shit off an old cannon in a bid to find the next big thing!

  • Lamy

    Compeition to whittle the worlds largest bong heats up as Keith from Tamworth incorporates nautical theme!

  • Frank

    “He’s really done my head in recently. Who does he think he is in that navy Sunspel, James bleedin’ Bond, OUCH me finger….”

  • Andy Summers

    A Spanish cannon dated by an expert scientist using the scratch ‘n’ sniff method

  • Rick Clarke

    Roger hoped his new flavoured gin, infused with sea-oxidised cannon and limpet, would go down well in the bars of Shoreditch

  • Blackstock

    After the stone roses reunion failed, Remi decided to spend his twilight years searching for the elephant stone. Unfortunately all he found was a poodle gun.

  • Peebeevee

    Legend had it that a Phoenician trade ship had gone down carrying a full load of Eastern European made Adidas, smuggled inside ornate earthenware. The captain of the SS Oi Polloi was sent to discover if the legend was true…

  • Frank

    “He’s really done my head in recently, who does he think he is in his navy Sunspel. These specs are class, he chats bo…”

  • Si Gillespie

    This years ‘Carve your own Crack Pipe’ competition had moved to a whole new level

  • Harry Fossard - Roberts

    When the Spezial drop is out at for 4 but you’ve got lamb carving at 6

  • James

    Like owner, like dog

  • Mandy Morris

    Ewe did a great job!

  • Grwgory

    ‘Can you tell what it is yet’. ‘Yes Rolph, it’s a lamb’.

  • Rick

    Derek felt a warm glow as thought of the likes and retweets he’d get when he posted a pic with the words ‘really scraping the barrel today irl’.

  • Reis Butler

    Well, if this small incision doesn’t work I’ll have to force it in… works in the bedroom so why not on the cannon.

  • Karl Salter

    Reality hanging by a thread.
    Coke cans and cannons by my bed.

  • Conor Whitworth

    Victor tried to get buy by selling some of his carvings. If he could sell a couple of carvings, it would keep him in whittling knives.

  • Conor Whitworth

    Victor found himself whittling out on the streets. His whittling addiction had cost him everything. His marriage to Edna, his home and his job.

  • Conor Whitworth

    Victor’s whittling addiction kept Victor away from Edna, which pleased Edna.

  • Jake De Nagy

    “The Man of Le Mancha, he say… YES”

  • Luigi R

    (Galapagos 2009) Evolutionary biologist Titus Darwin, in vintage hat and his signature minimalist red KLH anorak, collects guano after a rare specimen of Fossil Terrier. Comfy casual after the ocean journey on HMS Poodle.

  • Tony Moore

    This is gunna be the best bong ever!!

  • Paul Tipping

    Flea pica Pablo Pollio still cant figure how he made it home from the Hacienda

  • William Illsley

    “I’ve been trying to remove chewing gum from this ruddy cannon for the last 30 years”

  • Chris McPheat

    Hunter S. Thompson invents ayahuasca, circa 1971 (colorized)

  • Harry Bowers

    Sad to see that Heisenberg has let himself go, He was one of the good guys!

  • Simon Roe

    One More Little One Won’t Hurt.

  • Alex Kisiel

    Carve Wicked🤙

  • Pedro

    Bucket Hat fever had sent people in East London Barking mad.

  • Pete

    “If I see you round these ends again I’ll cut you”

  • Andrew Hatcher


  • Brian Anjo

    Sheesh ..Lamb Kebab anyone?

Leave a comment