Oi Polloi

How to wear… Camouflage

Published: Thu Jan 03 2013

There was a glorious time when camouflage was reserved for either people who were actually in the military, unhinged ex-military mad heads who wanted people to know they used to be in the military and people who wanted to look like an unhinged ex-military mad head.

But sadly the psychopath bubble has well and truly burst and now even regular, run-of-the-mill people can be seen (or not seen, depending on the potency of the camo) doing regular, run-of-the-mill things decked-out in some form of camo-attire.
So seeing as camouflage is now “just the thing to complete your off-duty look,” it’s as good a time as any to take a trip through the leafy world of camo garb.


Real-Tree (and it’s ground-dwelling brother, forest floor) is pretty much the closest thing to Predator’s camo that currently exists, and for that reason is probably the best camo around. Just make sure your Real-Tree cap doesn’t fall off when you’re walking in the woods, as you’re not going to be finding it any time soon.

Camo Netting

This is a bit harder to wear than most camo gear. We’re not saying it’s hard to wear like some fancy ‘lifestyle blogger’ might say a bright coloured jacket is ‘hard to wear’. Camo netting is hard to wear ‘cause it’s hard not to trip up over it or get it caught in the door of your Sherman Tank. Nevertheless when worn right, camo-netting can make you look like the ceiling décor of Jilly’s Rock World (RIP).

Red Camo

I’ve never been sure what military scenario this camo was designed for (maybe a particularly bloody battle) but it’s long been a mainstay of army surplus shops so it deserves a quick mention. If you’re heading to a cyber-rave in an abandoned cooling facility in Mother Russia, you best make sure you’ve got at least one item of red camo. To complete the look, pair it with a gas-mask.

Fashion Camo

The fast-paced world of fashion has been ripping-off legit camo since WWI, when Parisian dress-makers copied the abstract patterns seen on German tanks, but everyone knows made-up fashion camo isn’t real camo so it doesn’t count.

Digital Camo

Digi-camo merges computers with the army. Both can attract a right bunch of creepos, but put them together and you’ve got something pretty special. People like to think they’re an important computer hacker when they wear this, but really they just look like someone who spent all last night reading how to make napalm using just two Mars Bars and a lighter in ‘The Anarchist’s Cookbook’.