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The Blog from Oi Polloi presents:

White pumps were first invented in 1926 when a clumsy young tennis player stepped in a bucket of emulsion, and they’ve been dazzling retinas ever since. You may think that ‘white pumps’ is a fairly niche genre of shoe, but there’s actually more variations then you might think.

With that in mind we’ve cobbled together this handy guide to help you avoid the pitfalls and find the best white pumps/plimsolls/trainers/foot-holsters for you.

First up we’ve got our very own Fred Perry 1934s. Colour-bores may whinge that these aren’t actually white, but this is our list so we can do what we want. These are pretty much white anyway. Now we’ve got that out the way, there’s nothing too mental going on here, just a crisp and creamy pair of tennis shoes that’ll look good with anything.

Are these pumps? Are these trainers? Are they the one thing standing between humanity and extinction? Who knows? Whatever they are, these Reebok Workouts are most certainly white. They’re also designed for high-energy activities like aerobics, which means they’re a bit sturdier than most shoes on this here list — great for people with brittle ankles.

We could have gone for the regulation Spring Court G2s here, but why have cotton when you can have perforated leather? These may not be ideal in high-risk flood zones, but if it’s highly breathable French tennis shoes you crave, then you can’t go wrong with these.

Yep, we know what you’re thinking — “These are all great, but what about us hacky-sack players?” Well, our dreadlocked friend, that’s where the adidas Rod Lavers come in. These may have been designed by Australia’s second best tennis player (the first being Jarrod ‘Toadfish’ Rebecchi), but thanks to those substantial toes they’re actually highly respected in hacky-sack circles. Who’d have thought it?

And now for something completely different. Made in a long-lost Slovakian footwear factory, Spalwart’s Special Mids look exactly how you’d imagine basketball shoes that were made in a long-lost Slovakian footwear factory would look — wonderful.

And if all this talk of collaborative tennis shoes, ironic aerobics, perforated leather, hacky-sackin’ and Slovakian engineering is doing your head in, you could always just go for a white pair of Supergas.

And that brings us to the end of this informative instalment of Pica~Picks. Good luck and tread carefully!

See the full Oi Polloi trainer selection

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