No.410

DYSTOPIAN OFFICE GEAR:

If the history books have taught us one thing, it's that most civilisations have a lifespan of about 500 years... which means our days are well and truly numbered.

Of course, regardless of whether it's an environmental, nuclear or extra-terrestrial apocalypse that does us all in, the proverbial cockroaches always make it out the other side. So while all the cushty bits of modern life will most likely be lost to the annals of time, the naff bits will live on.

A troubling prospect, no two ways about it, so to give you some peace of mind, we thought we'd compile a suitable outfit for your return to the office after the mushroom clouds have dissipated and the roving clans of bandits have settled.

The iridescent balmacaan coat should make you visible lest you fall into a pool of toxic waste, those trousers are flame-resistant, so no need to worry about losing your precious leg hair when you're being sacrificed to a pagan deity, the Paraboots are perfect for curb-stomping those pesky half-rat, half-wheelie-bin creatures that make your morning commute a complete nightmare, and that ear-flapped cap should help drown out the deafening wails of the mutated unfortunates who dwell beneath the pavement.

You're welcome.