Oi Polloi


Published: Thu Oct 21 2021


Shoplifting is wrong and we definitely don't condone that type of behaviour, but you've got to admire the sheer gusto of these snide geezers from time to time.

And while the polo-pilfering Lo Lifes of New York or the sport shop swindlers of Greater Manchester may lap up most of the praise, there's a few obscure kleptos out there that deserve a bit of applause as well.

With that in mind, we're humbled to introduce you to Guy “The Pie” Humnder – Stockport's most notorious Chicago Town pizza thief.

In a meagre 46 minutes, The Pie managed to plunder a remarkable 353 (706 if you're counting individual pizzas) Deep Dish Mega Meaty pizzas from seven supermarkets, before finally being apprehended by Merseyway Shopping Centre Armed Response Unit in a dramatic showdown outside of Games Workshop.

Dr. Oetker, the manufactures of Chicago Town, pushed for a life sentence, but the presiding judge looked favourably upon Guy and commuted his sentence down to six weeks of community service for his “admirable chutzpah”.

No one knows what happened to Guy “The Pie” Humnder after his community service was up, but his spree is still talked about in hushed – but reverential – tones across places as diverse as Marple, Offerton, Romiley and Bredbury.

And for those wondering, the stolen Chicago Towns predictably melted while impounded, ruining untold amounts of evidence.


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