Oi Polloi

No.384

Published: Thu Dec 19 2019

SAINT STOMPER

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, apart from this loud muppet banging his lug-soled shoes all over my nice new kitchen tiles.

He threw his big jacket over my leather sofa, he scoffed all my mince pies, he stole my kids' presents and programmed their Tamagotchis to die.

I tried to confront him, to plead him to stop, but Saint Stomper simply smirked and continued to stomp.

He broke all my windows, punched me with all his might, then stole my John Lewis rug and disappeared into the night.

But I heard him exclaim, as he was about to get gone, "happy Christmas you mug head, do one"

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