Oi Polloi


Published: Fri Feb 08 2019


Do you believe in free love? Do you frequently bore your family and friends with wacky rants about “the man”? Do you have a paralysing fear of deodorant?

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, it might be worth taking a trip to the Hippie Rehabilitation Centre.

Located in the picturesque Scottish highlands, our state-of-the-art treatment facility is second to none, and will help you transition from a smelly, long-locked flower child into a functioning member of society in no time at all.

Want proof? Have a look at one of our shining examples. A mere three weeks ago this gentleman was huffing Moroccan hashish out of a artisan pipe in a public park whilst wearing a moth-bitten tie-dye t-shirt. Now, he's got himself a beautiful wife, a gorgeous home, and a proper nice Stone Island jacket. He's traded hacky sacking and playing bongos badly in student accommodations for building Airfix planes and waxing his car, and he's not defaced a shop shutter with a poorly-scrawled peace sign in well over a week.

We couldn't quite bring ourselves to chop off his luscious curls, but he's promised us he'll start washing it with shampoo and conditioner instead of baking soda and eggs.