Oi Polloi

No.349

Published: Fri Feb 01 2019

IF TEAL STREET COULD TALK

While 'get-rich-quick' schemes often conjure images of dodgy investment dealings in dilapidated office spaces or flogging knock-off mobile phones out of the back of car boots, these types of gimmicks are pretty commonplace in the literary realm.

One example of a bookish fraudster is this scoundrel here. Over a period of four years, this rapscallion made over £36.18 by shifting snide copies of famous novels with the titles changed to naff puns about obscure colours in order to avoid copyright laws.

War and Puce... If Teal Street Could Talk... Slaughterhouse Flax... The Grape of Wrath... Cobalt-22... The Canterbluey Tales... For Whom the Bell Rose... Blackbeth... As I Lay Dyeing... his greedy, colour-based nuttery knew no bounds.

However, he couldn't keep living large forever – he flew too close to the sun, and was eventually apprehended by the authorities after trying to pass off A Clockwork Orangey as his own.

What a plum.