Oi Polloi


Published: Fri Jan 25 2019


1 – Upon your arrival, eat an entire jar of Bovril. It'll show you mean business, and have a taste for exotic flavours.

2 – Always wear crisp cotton overshirts with compasses on the arm.

3 – If someone asks you to talk about yourself, jump into an in-depth rant about your favourite motorway service stations. Everyone's impressed by a man who's travelled.

4 – Loudly beat-boxing in someone's face is always a sure-fire way to earn respect.

5 – If someone offers you food, reject it and eat another jar of Bovril instead. It'll show how committed you are.

6 – Insult your father in-law's collection of Red Dwarf memorabilia to assert your dominance.

7 – Rainbow-striped t-shirts are always a good conversation starter.

8 – If all else fails, just keep silent. Mystique should never be scoffed at.