No.322

Say hello to Cordy Roy – the product of a controversial gene splicing experiment merging DNA from a Parisian psychology lecturer and a large pile of deadstock cord found in the darkest recesses of the Oi Polloi basement.

Cord cap? Cord shirt? Cord cords? And that’s just the tip of the brown, ridged-velvet iceberg. From corduroy bedsheets to cord car-seats, this lad has more wales than Cardiff Sea-Life Centre.

Okay, from afar he might look a bit like a massive slice of Jamaica Ginger Cake, but if anything, that’s a good thing. Who doesn’t like Jamaica Ginger Cake?