No.317

A being of urban myth, we have never actually managed to collar the Ice Cream Artisan, but we've chased paper trails, interviewed multiple unstable ice cream enthusiasts, and delved deep into the public archives trying to answer to that age old question, “who is the ice cream artisan?” He first piqued our interest when we found a photo under some floorboards while trying to find a stray marble. We instantly lost interest in the marble and began researching the photo, dated July 24th, 2001.

We met only five men who recognised the Ice Cream Artisan. Out of those five, only three had met him. And out of those three, only one really knew him; a man titled 'Milo Camus', a Belgian poet with only one eye and three teeth.

From our research, the Ice Cream Artisan was a man who went round Manchester in the early 2000's, selling high-class, possibly illegal, fancy ice cream, which he imported himself via the canals. If you asked for strawberry, you'd get 'Fragaria scented Cheshire cream'. If you asked for chocolate, you'd get 'free range rainforest coca bean masked Bavarian cow juice'. And if you asked for a Fab, he’d kick you in the teeth and tell you to stop disrespecting his artistry.

Alas, Milo only met the Ice Cream Artisan once, and unfortunately made the mistake of ordering a Fab. After months of desperately searching, we gave up the hunt for the Ice Cream Artisan, and let his memory fade into obscurity. But next time you hear those ice cream jingles coming from a strange looking van, keep your eye out... it might just be the Ice Cream Artisan. But it probably won’t be.