Oi Polloi


Published: Thu Jun 08 2017

The Handyman

We think that if David Lynch was born in Withington and studied car maintenance instead of art, he'd be making films about handymen. The ultimate crash-course in postmodern, first-world terror, the handyman represents something we all fear: omnipotence.

He seemingly knows everything you need. “Did I really need my fascias and soffits redoing?” you ask yourself, time and time again, just after you've handed over some stone-cold cash, but before you raise any concerns, the handyman is off, disappearing into the night.

And when you're at your most vulnerable: looking up at a flickering light, or slight patch of damp, filled with uncertainty, The Handyman will be back again.

Don't bother calling, he'll know.

He's in your gaff. He's putting holes in your walls when he should be painting them. He's drinking all your tea and spilling milk all over the counter. He's listening to garage anthems too loudly in your mum's bedroom. He keeps asking you if you watched the match last night. He might just be the one weeing on your toilet seat.

You don't want to call him out, after all, he's doing your hallway and living room for a fraction of the usual cost. But, at what psychological cost?

You won't be able to watch Changing Rooms without the light on any time soon, that's for sure.

  1. Norse Projects
    Norse Nylon Sports Cap
    Industrial Orange
  2. Polo Ralph Lauren
    Checked Linen Shirt
    Natural / Fern Multi
    Size XL
  3. Homespun Knitwear
    Dad's Pocket Tee
    Washed Blue
    Size XL
  4. Carhartt WIP
    Marshall Joggers
    Rinsed Rover Green
    Size XL
  5. Fjällräven
    High Coast Trail 26
    One size
  6. New Balance
    M998CTR Made in the USA
    Black / Green
    Size 10.5
  7. Beams Plus
    Schoolboy Socks
    White / Grey
    One size