No.219

Take a look at this lad. Nothing inconspicuous going on here, right? Just a fairly normal, well-dressed member of the British public – crisp white Nikes, a pair of washed jeans and a good jacket, what’s weird about that? Let’s take a closer look. Camera 3, can we zoom in on his left shoulder please? Yep, just as we suspected – there’s a spy in the ranks, and he’s using a camera-phone cunningly hidden behind a C.P. Company watch-viewer to leak vital information about the inner-workings of Oi Polloi headquarters for a dodgy Channel 5 exposé. A few years ago he would have settled for the ol’ eye-holes in the newspaper trick, but these new watchdogs are getting crafty, too crafty. Can we have this mole eliminated please? On second thoughts, a spy in here is hardly the end of the world – all he’s going to find here is a sleeping French bulldog and a lot of unwashed coffee cups. Courageous young muckraker, you may continue.