Oi Polloi


Published: Fri Nov 07 2014

Chunky Hand Man

Next time you’re casually sending a text message with no grammatical errors or typos, spare a thought for the Chunky Hand Man — the normal man cursed to live with the hideous burden of slightly-larger-than-average hands. He can’t pick his nose, he can’t play a catchy melody on his nephew’s Casio keyboard and he daren’t go for a job interview in case he accidentally crushes his potential boss’s fingers in an over-powerful handshake. Sure, in America, the land of hope and glory, chunky handed men live full and prosperous lives catching baseballs for high profile teams, and yes, in Switzerland there are doctors who have performed successful hand-shrinking surgery — but when a man can’t leave his house for fear of high-fiving someone to death, these two options are startlingly unattainable. Chunky Hand Man — hang in there, life really is worth living, even with slightly-larger-than-average-hands.
And to all those pedantic bores out there — yep, we know that this man is just wearing gloves and his hands are pretty much normal-size, but we’re sorry to say some people aren’t so lucky.