Oi Polloi


Published: Fri Jun 06 2014

Day 387 on the desert island

Dear diary. I fear the end is near. Once I was full of hope but, like a smoke signal stolen by the cruel sky, my optimism has faded away all too quickly. Not only have I finally run out of sugar to go in my tea, but there are no chocolate-coated Hobnobs either. There are still a few packets of rich tea biscuits, but I don’t really like rich tea biscuits that much so I won’t be eating them. Sweet chilli dipping sauce is also running dangerously low. Please god safe me the dignity of dying a sauceless death. I swore I would maintain my self-respect, but after losing one of the batteries for my electric toothbrush down the back of the sink I have been reduced to a savage, brushing my teeth with the crazed arm movements of a wild beast. Struggled a bit with yesterday’s cryptic. Madness is near.