No.213

Here at Oi Polloi, we’re no strangers to celebrity visitors. Last month Dave Benson Philips popped in to ask for directions, and a few years back someone who looked a bit like Jared ‘Toadfish’ Rebbechi tried on some loafers. But all this pales in comparison with what happened last week. It was a Tuesday morning and the shop was just about to open for business when a faint whimper was heard from under a stack of Shetland jumpers. Was it a hedgehog? Was it a small child? No, it was Prince Rogers Nelson — pioneer of the Minneapolis sound, and he wasn’t looking good. His skin was pale, his face was gaunt and he was struggling to open his eyes under the dim light of the 40 watt bulbs. As he had no relatives or friends nearby, we did what we’d hope anyone else would have done in the situation, and nursed The Artist Who Is Now Known As Prince Once Again back to health ourselves. With old newspapers and paisley sweatshirts for bedding, a desk lamp for warmth and a small dish of milk he was soon fighting fit, and only yesterday we released him back into the wild. And yes, we were sad to see him go.