No.188

Live in a landlocked town? Miss the fresh coastal breeze, the soothing sound of crashing waves and the aromatic scent of dead seagulls rotting in a rock pool? Well worry no more, as Oi Polloi is proud to present Rent-a-Beach. For just £39.95 a week you can be beside the seaside wherever you go, as our perfect vision of the English coast will join you on your every errand. But it doesn’t stop there, for an additional one off payment of £44.95 he will personally fill each of your socks with sand, sandblast the paintwork off your car and spit saltwater in your eyes.